A new year is just around the corner, and with it, there will be all kinds of New Year’s Resolutions. To eat more healthfully, be more active – those are usually the first that come to mind of the typical goals. But also to learn a new skill, be more present, sleep more, drink more water, make time for family and friends. All of these goals are wonderful, but we miss the mark if we don’t have spiritual goals, or if these physical goals are purely for the sake of a hot bod or feeling better about ourselves.
Our bodies will fade away. “All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls off, but the Word of the Lord endures forever.” (1 Peter 1:24-25a). One day, we will die – what are we going to leave behind? What legacy will endure? What baton will we have passed on to the next runner in the race? Will we have brought delight to our Father when we cross that finish line?
My husband recently preached a sermon about goal-setting, and we’ve been discussing often our goals for the new year in spiritual terms. Our favorite time to talk about this (and honestly, our only since the rest of the day is filled with three other voices vying for attention!) is in the early morning, when we’ve had time in our Bibles independently, and we’ve been ruminating over what we’ve read. Those early morning chats must have struck a chord in him too, because I had to write down something he’d said in his sermon:
“Spiritual growth does not happen by accident. We have to be intentional.” – JD Simpson
We’re intentional about nearly every other aspect of our life: meal planning, personal planners and family calendars, balancing rest time with social outings, getting the kids into activities and playdates, attending church functions and Bible studies and potlucks, exercising, etc. But are we intentional about the way we grow our hearts?
Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Our actions will either build up our family, or tear them down. We get to choose, but we have to be purposeful. Continuing with the idea of architecture… how does a house appear? It doesn’t! Plans are drawn and carefully examined. Wise people are called in as counselors to the building process to ensure safety and success (Proverbs 11:14). Measurements are taken, materials gathered, and bit by bit by bit the house begins to form. We can do the same with our lives – create a grand masterpiece of architecture within our family.
But where to start? An architect has to have a plumb line or a cornerstone or other ways of calculating that everything he builds from that point on is going to line up. Get the basics wrong, and the whole house will be off-kilter, and possibly a danger to those living within. I love how God gave us our cornerstone – he’s already got the measuring set for us! “Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone, A costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed. He who believes in it will not be disturbed.” (Isaiah 28:16). Jesus is our cornerstone!
When we examine the life of Jesus, or the apostles’ writings, we start to get a fleshed out picture of what that example or measuring line means for the rest of the building of our house. Take a reflective look at your own life this past year. Where were you living in a way that reflected the light of Christ? What actions and attitudes didn’t reflect him? What heart issues are you dealing with that don’t align with the cornerstone?
This reflection helps us spiral in to where the real issue is: our hearts. I imagine our lives a bit like a conch shell. The exterior is our life, and what most people see. When we start to enter in the shell, we see that the inner workings of our lives are built up of a spiral of actions, attitudes, and heart. Working on our hearts will change our attitudes, which will change our actions, which will change our lives – and ultimately the lives of others. Especially in the building of our own homes and families.
If you’re still feeling stuck, go through the fruits of the Spirit. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23). What fruit of the Spirit sticks out as one that could really use your attention? (I say one because we all will constantly be working on all of these as we grow. But usually there is one or two that need our definite attention. And it’s better to pick one to focus on intentionally over a long period, to cultivate it, than to try and dive hard-core into all at once.)
And once you’ve chosen your heart issue, start thinking about ways you can cultivate it. What does this fruit or heart issue look like in one single moment of my life? For example, patience. When I have three children screaming or speaking to me at once, do I patiently ask them to take turns? Or do I yell at them all because I’m short-fused?
Some other questions to ask to help you flesh out how to grow in this area…. When I consider godly women that I admire, what does this virtue look like in their lives? When I have been shown this trait and had it positively effect my own life? Or negatively when it was withheld? What verses does God use to speak to us about this heart issue?
And from those questions, you can start to cultivate an idea and understanding of how you want to grow in your heart issue this coming New Year.
I’ve always been someone who liked “rubber meets the road” type of advice, so here are some ideas to help you in that arena:
- Figure out how to create a habit from this fruit of the Spirit or virtue. (For example, if thankfulness is your goal, look at getting a gratitude journal.). Our habits are what build our days, and ultimately our lives. The real purpose of a goal is habits!
- Set aside a special highlighter for marking Bible passages related to your chosen virtue. A friend’s mom has done this for years, and her kids love seeing the different virtues/ideas she’s focused on in her Bible!
- Pick several memory verses that relate to your virtue. Don’t just memorize them – put them around the house, and give yourself permission to savor them throughout the year. A friend of mine simply writes her verses on a slip of paper, and puts that in a frame. Beautiful, and really effective, and simple.
- Find a godly woman to share your goals with – someone working through the same, or an older Titus 2 woman who can give you encouragement and practical advice for the journey. Definitely share with your husband, so he can cheer you on!
- Start with what excites you. If the goal is overwhelming, pick something simple or fun to start. (For example, in cultivating hospitality, think of times you were shown gracious hospitality and choose your favorite part of that to implement.)
- Look on your calendar for events you can attend (or create) that match up with your goals. If you’re wanting to understand a topic more, create a weekly or monthly Bible study to dive into that idea with friends. If you’re working on developing a more bonded family culture, schedule in days for adventuring together and resting together. If you’re focusing on an attitude of love, pencil in easy and small events: writing a card showing thankfulness, having a special dessert and tea time with a kiddo, going out on a date with your spouse…. Or even penciling in reminders that serving others blesses them and is a joy to God: sometimes we just need a reminder that what we’re doing in that moment (changing diapers, washing dishes, being a listening ear) is a blessing and service.
Every one of us will have a different angle and focus as we build our house. And that’s a beautiful thing! We’re all working with the same cornerstone, but attending to various different parts of our homes that need some TLC.
And if you’re still stuck with ideas on where to start, 2 Peter 1:5-9 has a wonderful growth mindset with examples for us: “Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
What will you be working on this year? I’d love to hear what virtues and/or fruits of the Spirit you’ll be using to build your home!
A Little Golden Thread 