When my kids were about 4 and 1, I wandered to the library for a little pick-me-up. When my husband had come home, I was just d-o-n-e with the day. Tired of screaming, tired of changing diapers, tired of cleaning, and just plain ol’ tired. I decided to go out for a refresh while he played with them.
I’ve discovered recently that I tend to always wander to the library (or a bookstore when I have a little cash to spare) during moments of distress in my life. I can wander the aisles and look for encouragement, or escape, or laughter, or perspective. On this particular trip, a Laura Ingalls Wilder collection was sitting on display.
I’ve always loved all the Little House on the Prairie books, and re-reading some of them after the birth of my son gave me a completely different perspective on Ma… what a woman! But this collection of essays was showing a side of things in the books I hadn’t heard before. A darker, sadder side to Laura’s and the other Ingalls’ lives, and the constant cycle of poverty that her family endured.
I was beginning to despair in flipping through it. I thought for sure I’d find encouragement and a buoying of spirits in the volume, something I desperately needed in a moment where I was beginning to feel my own life was sad, and wondering if what I did at home was of any real importance. Just as I was about to put the book down, I stumbled upon this quote:
“‘The days are just filled with little things, and I am so tired of doing them, ‘ wailed a friend recently. Since then I have been thinking about little things or these things we are in the habit of thinking small, although I am sure our judgment is often at fault when we do so….
“Doing up cut fingers, kissing hurt places, and singing bedtime songs are small things by themselves; but they will inculcate a love for home and family that will last through life and help to keep America a land of homes.
“Putting up the school lunch for the children or cooking a good meal for the family may seem very insignificant tasks as compared with giving a lecture, writing a book, or doing other thins that have a larger audience; but I doubt very much if, in the ultimate reckoning, they will count for as much.
“If when cooking you will think of yourself as the chemist that you are, combining different ingredients into a food that will properly nourish human bodies, then the work takes on a dignity and an interest. And surely a family well nourished with healthful food so that the boys and girls grow up strong and beautiful, while their elders reach a hale old age, is no small thing.
“It belittles us to think of our daily tasks as small things, and if we continue to do so, it will in time make us small. It will narrow our horizon and make of our work just drudgery.
“There are so many little things that are really very great, and when we learn to look beyond the insignificant appearing acts themselves to their far-reaching consequences, we will, ‘despise not the day of small things.’ We will feel an added dignity and poise from the fact that our everyday round of duties is as important as any other part of the work of the world.
“And just as a little thread of gold, running through a fabric, brightens the whole garment, so women’s work at home, while only the doing of little things, is like the golden gleam of sunlight that runs through and brightens all the fabric of civilization.”
Daily Tasks Are Not Small Things, by Laura Ingalls Wilder, May 1923
Oh joy of joys…. To be reminded again that the work I do at home is not insignificant! That there is a larger purpose to soothing emotionally-frazzled children, and changing diapers, and cleaning up spilled messes and dishes. To see it as something special: a little golden thread.
I’ve practiced this many times since reading it, as Laura suggests. Looking “beyond the insignificant acts themselves to their far-reaching consequences” gives me a greater appreciation for what can feel easily like the daily grind (but without pay + sick leave + retirement). She hits the nail on the head with cooking, something I have a love-hate relationship with. But let’s practice that idea with a few more things that moms do that can feel like “drudgery.”
How about changing diapers or wiping bottoms? I met a woman recently who laughed that she was a “professional wiper… I wipe noses and bottoms and counters all day long.” I loved the way she said it with a smile. (When I consider the wiping I do, especially of bottoms, I’m not smiling about it.). So let’s pretend for a second that I didn’t wipe bottoms. And that you didn’t. What if you and I never wiped bottoms? We’d have little babies with terrible rashes that would develop into sores and serious illnesses. Their little lives would be marked with pain, and frustration at not being able to do anything about it (even just writing about it, I feel like I can hear the screaming and the arching back of a baby just absolutely distressed in that situation). So changing diapers brings health, and I’d argue even security: your baby feels cared for, and trusts, and begins to know love, because you care for them when they cannot care for themselves.
How about solving sibling squabbles? Playing referee is definitely not my favorite. But if we’re concentrating on giving our children ways to solve the arguments themselves, and guiding them in that during those moments, the consequences are definitely far-reaching. Childhood friendships that last a lifetime, working through difficult work relationships, and even having a healthy way to sort through disagreements in a marriage… all of those begin in practicing with our siblings, and guidance from our parents (or lack of guidance).
There are so many more examples we could dive into, but I know each of you have certain things you struggle with, that feel like drudgery. And really, Laura’s thoughts sum it all up so well.
My prayer today is that you will have a moment to re-evaluate what you do, in light of the long-term lives of your family, and to see the work you do as a “little golden thread”.
A Little Golden Thread 