Being a mom is a full-time job. Not in the 40-hours-a-week way, but in the 24/7/365 way. And it’s exhausting. After staying up til ten soothing our littlest, and then getting up again for an hour at 3:30, I was worn down this morning. But I also didn’t want to go back to bed even though it was 4:30. I was already awake, and angry, and I knew if I didn’t seek solitude and time with God, I’d be that way the whole day.
So I made coffee, grabbed a cookie, turned on the Christmas tree, and opened my Bible. What I read and thought about gave me spiritual food for the day, things to chew on that will give me sustenance for another day of serving and loving my family, a noble but exhausting endeavor.
I’ve found that if I don’t plan for ways to fill my cup, I’m prone to angry outbursts, sullenness, selfishness, bitterness, and contention. (Better to be in the corner of a roof than with a contentious woman is the proverb that comes to mind… Who wants to be the kind of woman that is worse to live with than the open elements?)
Not only do I not want to be this way, it’s imperative that I grow out of this. “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal 5:21)
God expects me to quit practicing anger. How can I be shining the light of Jesus if I’m throwing a fit? And sadly, it’s my family that I do this to the most.
I think because family and home are safe places, it’s where we let our emotions run us. But we’re called to higher than that. I was trying to find the antidote to my anger while thinking over this passage – if I don’t want to practice anger, what could I practice instead? Paul shows in the next few verses. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control is; against such things there is no law.“ (Gal 5:22-23)
So instead of anger, I can practice love: I’m angry that I have to care for a child instead of having a few minutes of quiet in the morning. Love tells me that I can seek their good above mine; caring for them in their distress shows them the love of God.
I can practice joy: I get to care for these precious ones, whom God entrusted to me, and I prayed for them for years before they’d even been placed in my arms.
I can practice peace: these years will not last forever, but God’s kingdom will. I have peace in knowing He sees the work I do and has a reward for my persistence.
I can practice patience: literally, long suffering or Greek “makrothymia”= long temper. Doesn’t that seem to describe some days of motherhood perfectly? Mountains of laundry and dishes, crying and emotional little ones, lack of sleep… but it’s all a marathon, not a sprint. Are we going to have a short fuse or a long one in the midst of that?
I can practice kindness: the words and actions I bestow on my family can either bless them or hurt them. I get to choose.
I can practice goodness: cultivating a heart that seeks life and virtue, so that my actions follow suit. Making a point to read my Bible, and pray, to fill my heart with God and let Him overflow to those around me.
I can practice faithfulness: that even in the hard moments, the there’s-poop-everywhere or everyone-is-crying or I-haven’t-even-showered-yet-and-everyone-needs-me, I can choose to follow God and shine His light. Will I remain faithful in these small, but very trying, moments? Will I be faithful in the years to come, when even greater problems and trials show up in training my kids and caring for my family?
I can practice gentleness: that when I want to shout or stomp or yell because no one is listening to me, or I haven’t been alone in 3,000 years, or whatever… I choose a calm voice instead. And words that build up. And a body that shows humility and calm, not frustration.
I can practice self-control: this is the crux all the others seem to stand on. I have choice. I have autonomy. I can choose if I demonstrate these qualities or give in to my emotions. I can choose the path I follow, the wise or foolish like Proverbs describes, in my day to day actions.
Of course, if I expected myself to do this all right away, that would be impossible. No one grows these things overnight, it takes years. And even then, we’re not perfect. God’s grace covers our imperfections and completes what we lack. We grow day by day, little by little, seeking Him and asking His help, and He does help. He uses us to write a story of hope and love and legacy.
This section of Psalm 86 seems to sum it up perfectly: “Teach me Your way, Lord; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name. I will give thanks to You, Lord my God, with all my heart, And I will glorify Your name forever. For Your graciousness toward me is great, And You have saved my soul from the depths of Sheol.”
(v. 11-13)
A Little Golden Thread 